Can I Be Honest?

Friends...

In the spirit of humility and vulnerability, I must confess something to you. If you’ve ever read my first book, “Love Never Ends,” I talked about my years of evangelism. To make a long story short, with a small group in Marysville, we began spreading the gospel throughout the city. Praying for people…the whole nine yards. Soon Monet and I bought an RV, and I told the Lord that I would use it for His Kingdom. And that I did. Traveling was one idea, but the most important was to spread and share the gospel. And boy did I. The spiritual warfare that came from just spreading the gospel locally was triple times ten once we hit the road, and it was HARD! It was spiritually draining, emotionally draining, mentally draining, and financially draining. I/we were literally being hit from every angle possible, it seemed, but the funny part was that it was obviously apparent that every hit was designed for us to quit and stop. The car accident was the first major one, and next was a miscarriage. 

No matter how much I wanted to quit, I couldn’t. First of all, if I quit, then I would feel like Satan had won. And second, I am not a quitter. I finish stuff to the very end. And third, I must finish this thing to the very end. I remember, after another blow somewhere in the mountains, once I finally got to our destination, I went outside, and I spiraled. After about an hour, all I could say was, “But let Your will be done.” 

Shortly after that, New Year’s Day came, and God said to me, “ Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing.” And next we bought another house and put the RV in storage, concluding the mission. But honestly, I started to hide spiritually. (How can you even hide spiritually IDK but that’s what I was trying to do.) I stopped praying… and I stopped evangelizing. I just wanted Satan to leave me alone. 

As time went by, I began to be angry. Even though I asked for it and wanted to full-time evangelize/RV, I felt like my life was in a way worse place than it was before. Interest rates went up, mortgage rates went up, gas prices, housing, literally EVERYTHING! 

I have great credit; my interest rate in Marysville was a 2.3. Two years later, it’s a 5-something!

I became angry and bitter because I felt like He owed me something. A financial blessing or something!

I don’t know how long it’s been, but it finally hit me the other day. God never promised us wealth or an earthly blessing from fulfilling the Great Commission. What He did promise us was a reward in Heaven. An eternal reward. More than that, Scripture never guarantees that obedience to the Great Commission will be repaid with material wealth.

I got it… 

And all I could do was repent. Ask Him for His forgiveness for my pride, arrogance, and entitlement. We should not share the gospel for profit, but only for the love of our brothers and sisters, and obedience to Papa. We should want others to have that same relationship we have with Christ, for their salvation, and so that we can do our part in trying to fill Heaven with as many souls as we possibly can. That, my friends… is an inheritance and reward in itself. 

-Ti’Ray