A Classroom Surprise

I’ll never forget when I was in the third grade, my principal, Mrs. Patterson, came into my classroom. I could hear her keys loudly jingle as they bounced and slapped against her hip. Her heels clicked and clacked, getting louder as she approached Miss Miller’s class. Mrs. Patterson, at the front of the class, stared into the soul of each student like a drill instructor sizing up their recruits, and issued a stern and scary warning.

“If I hear one word, you will be next,” she said.

In the back of the class, my face was twisted in confusion as she walked to the door. As it creaked open, an unfamiliar woman marched in, followed by Miles. Miss Miller brought her wooden stool, the one she used when she used the overhead projector, in front of the class, then joined Mrs. Patterson in the corner of the room. The woman HAD to be Miles’ mother, the way she pulled him by the arm, making him lean over the stool. Then, she revealed a thick brown leather cowboy belt and began striking Miles. IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE CLASS!!!

With such ferocity I had never known. (That was until my dad got a phone call from my teacher MR. Miller in the fourth grade) She unleashed the wrath of Heaven against that poor soul. I’m not sure what was louder, her whacks as they slammed against his back, butt, and legs. Her screaming vulgarities, or Miles’ screams of agony, pleading, and humiliation. The screeching of the stool as it slid between each swing and impact. Yikes.

The memory of Miles, sitting in the cafeteria, alone, still crying and sniffling, may forever haunt me.

Now—20-something years later, I wonder…

For years, I’ve defended and believed in putting somethin hot on a child’s behind when they misbehave. It was taught to me the scripture, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” But I learned that that’s not what scripture says. Now, it is true that scripture does use the rod as a metaphor for discipline; However, I believe it is because of ignorance, history, and generations of slavery and racial control, we believe so passionately.

Pain compliance.

“ Go get a switch!” Then you gotta walk outside, go to a tree, look for the thinnest piece of a long twig you can find. Pull off the leaves as you walk back into the house and meet your doom. The leather belts. Fly squatters. Extension cords. And the infamous wire hangers. If you’ve never been acquainted with such… You don’t want to.

I believe it is rooted in slavery. Not just slavery in chains, but slavery in mindset. Systems built on control, fear, and pain taught generations that obedience only comes through force. When survival depends on compliance, love gets confused with punishment. Those habits didn’t disappear when the chains came off— they were passed down, normalized, defended, and spiritualized. I learned that those passages are not talking about spanking your children to discipline and control them. It’s referring to the way a shepherd leads, guides, and teaches his sheep.

Discipline is the process of teaching, training, and guiding behavior toward maturity, responsibility, and self-control. Discipline does not mean punishment. Punishment focuses on pain or penalty. Discipline focuses on learning and formation. You understand?

Proverbs 13:24 says, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”

Now, it is true, the shepherd probably does smack his sheep on its butt to correct it, or how sometimes a butt whoopin is needed and earned for correction. But it should be used/done with wisdom and love. Never in anger or frustration or control. Though it is possible to discipline our children without pain.

Discipline should never humiliate. It should never scar the soul. If discipline is meant to correct or form character, it must be rooted in love, patience, and wisdom. Not rage, control, or convenience.

OH! And no, we should not allow schools to paddle our children with wooden boards. Authority without relationship is dangerous. Power without love is abuse. A child deserves correction, but NEVER at the cost of their dignity.

And if discipline is truly about love, then love should be the thing our children remember— not fear.